There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
