i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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