I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
