Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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