We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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