Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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