thus making me awesome and them whores
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
