so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
