those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was born a porn star she said
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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