is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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