Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
