I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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