he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
