Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
