A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
