When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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