Got a toothbrush?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
