good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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