At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
