I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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