bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
