I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
