is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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