I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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