Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
