I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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