I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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