Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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