I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
