Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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