just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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