Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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