If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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