do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this just has baby written all over it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This baby is an asshole
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
