Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
