I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
tell me about the fingering
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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