i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
