I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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