My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've blown a few things in my day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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