I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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