I puked a lego.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
