You smell like stripper and shame
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
