Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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