the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
