I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
