tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Ketchup is God's man juice
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
