can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
