My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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