so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
