dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
