Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
