walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No subtext here. People are naked.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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