i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
